The last few weeks have been really hard for our family…physically and emotionally. We have gone through some changes in the last few months. Not only are we expecting a sweet little boy, but Landon has been going through school to start training for real estate appraisal. It has been a lot of work for him going through classes after working a full time job. Financially, it has been hard for us as well but God has provided everything we have needed along the way, and I know He will continue to do so. Landon works very long hours, only getting a few hours of sleep every night. I’m so inspired and encouraged by such a hard working husband. He always makes time for us girls, but works so incredibly hard to provide for our family.
For the last couple weeks I have also been only getting a few hours of sleep a night. I find myself easily stressed, angry with the girls, and short on patience. Then I lay there at night and feel so guilty that I haven’t been a good example to the girls. I get out of bed, go to their room and pray for each of them. The next day, I feel like the cycle starts all over again. Last Monday I took Brooke to the doctor and found out she had bronchitis. Tuesday morning Lauren threw up all over the car twice. And then I lost it. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I was under so much stress trying to take care of three girls, trying to take it easy for the baby in my belly, and trying to get ready for a trip to South Carolina. The trip where I was supposed to rest, relax and come home refreshed. I was very torn on whether or not I should go, but Landon really pushed me to get on the plane Friday morning. If you read this post, you would know that I left Friday morning, only to have to return the following day due to a little pregnancy scare. I left my phone charger at Sarah’s, and therefore had nothing to “do” on the entire trip home. I’m thankful for the quiet time…I thought, and prayed a LOT that day. I realized that I’m not always the best mom, that I have made mistakes, but that I FORGIVEN. His grace is more, his strength is enough. I couldn’t help but think of this song the entire day:
Lord, I Need You (Matt Maher)
Lord I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You, I fall apart
You’re the one that guides my heart
Lord I need You, oh I need You
Every Hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
Where sin runs deep, your grace is MORE
Your grace is found, is where you are
Where you are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
Lord I need you, oh, I need you
Every Hour I need you.
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You.
So teach my song to rise to you
When temptation comes my way
When I cannot stand I fall on You
Jesus You’re my HOPE AND STAY.
The second verse is my absolute favorite. “Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more.” So encouraging and so filled with truth. This week has still been a trying one….but when the thought that I can’t make it through the day crosses my mind, I think about this song. I need Him every minute, every hour or I won’t be able to make it through the day. When I feel like I have no strength, HE is my hope and stay. Through the hard week, I’ve been encouraged. I’ve seen His goodness, faithfulness and love.
***I have a huge praise! Thank you for all your prayers. I was told in the hospital that I had PUPPS, which I had with the twins. It was a lot worse at that stage, forming little tiny blisters all over my belly. Over the course of the week, it tuned into a flat and splotchy rash. When my doctor looked at it on Wednesday, he said that it was not PUPPS, but was some sort of strange allergic reaction. Today, the rash is almost gone! I’m so thankful!***