The last couple months have been a struggle for me as a mom. I can’t blame it on my pregnancy hormones, being sick, no sleep, etc. It’s really a product of my own sin. My biggest area of struggle is with my oldest daughter. She is such a sweet, sensitive, thoughtful and caring little girl. The areas where she struggles the most is where she is most like ME. For some reason, that has just made me very angry. I didn’t really realize the connection until I sat down and thought about it. I am hard on Brooke. I feel like I am constantly disciplining, correcting and getting upset with her….and she isn’t listening. Last week I made a conscious effort to spend time with her, work on patience, disciplining in love, etc. Her statement over the weekend to someone was “mommy is always mad at me”. When I heard this, I unravelled. I may have cried for two hours straight, just thinking I was the most terrible mother ever. Who am I becoming to her? Have I ruined my daughter? Does she not know I love her?
She is becoming who she sees in me. I have failed in areas, but you know what the greatest comfort is to me right now? God’s grace and forgiveness. It’s free, its abundant and it covers all our sins. Brooke needs to see forgiveness, grace and love from me like I have received so many countless times from my Father. I can’t change the last couple months, but I can change right NOW.
God has been so gracious to our family this last six months. We started going to a new church, and we have been SO blessed through our church family. One way that God has been growing us is through our new small group. We are studying The Red Sea Rules together, a book on ten God-given strategies for difficult times. Each couple in our group has been through various trials, and it’s amazing to see where God has led them and what He has taught them through those trials. Last night in our meeting we studied Rule 1 : “Remember that God, in His overruling providence, has allowed you to be where you are at this moment”. It was so encouraging for me to know that God has forgiven me, that He has given me grace, and that He has never left me alone – even in my darkest moments! This trail with my daughter has taught me a lot about who I am, and areas that I need to change. I want my children to see Christ in me, and there are some areas that I really need to work on. I want them to love them, discipline them in love, forgive them, and give them grace.
“The Steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord,
And He delights in his way.
Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down;
FOr the LORD upholds him.”
As much as I love to share recipes, DIY projects, and photos…I really love to share what God is teaching me with y’all. It’s hard sometimes to be transparent, but we are all growing and learning. I love to look back at past posts and see what God was doing in our lives at the time. My hope is that these posts are an encouragement to you!