a boy & his bunny – 4 month update

PicMonkey Collage2.jpg

4 months old.  Sweet baby boy is FOUR MONTHS OLD!  I keep trying to treat him like a little newborn, but he is a busy little “b”.  He is a strong little boy, and thinks that he needs to keep up with his older sisters.  He was 14.2 pounds at his well check, 26 inches and his head was somewhere in the 60th percentile. 🙂 He does let me rock him to sleep, and he cuddles with me when he’s sleepy.  He’s a happy boy, and I couldn’t have imagined having such a sweet baby.

PicMonkey Collage.jpg

It was one year ago today that I thought….“I think I might be pregnant”.  It was Easter Sunday, and I just KNEW.  We had a busy day with church and celebrating with family…so I kept that feeling to myself.  Monday morning (April 1st) I dragged the girls to Target to get a pregnancy test.  I didn’t even have to wait two seconds, that test turned positive pretty quickly.  I called Landon and prefaced our conversation by: “This is not an April Fool’s Joke”.  We were shocked.  I can’t believe that was a year ago.  We could never have even imagined that God would give us such a sweet little boy to complete our family.  The girls are still in love.  He’s the first thing they talk about when they wake up.  I’m so thankful they transitioned to having a little baby brother so easily.

Screen Shot 2014-03-31 at 1.07.00 PM

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” James 1:17

i’ll hold your hand…

IMG_9839
These two.  I know I say it a lot, but they have the sweetest relationship.  One of my favorite things about having twins is watching them become their own little people, and watching their different personalities mesh to form a sweet relationship (most of the time).  🙂

PicMonkey Collage.jpg
I’m not a photographer,but I LOVE to photograph my kids.  I had a few poses (for twins) in mind before we drove across the street to our favorite field.  The girls were pretty distracted by the wind and wanted nothing to do with my directing.  I’m glad they did their own thing…because these photos are how sweet they can really be to one another!  WAY better than the poses I had in mind.

lily.jpg

Lily.  She’s my little “tomboy”.  You will find her in her OU sweatshirt with a ball in her hand MOST of the time.  She is a little more independent, and usually plays on her own or stays close to me during the day.  She’s just not into the girly girl stuff that Lauren & Brooke are into.  Lily has an ultra sensitive and tender heart.  One thing I appreciate about her is that she is always asking and thinking about how other people are doing.

My favorite recent quote from Lily – “Mommy, I want to be a baby again.  In your belly…so I can be with you.”  Melt. My. Heart.  
lauren
Lauren.  Diva/Girly Girl.  She is me in college (for all of you who knew me back then).  🙂  She loves to fix her hair, change her shoes ten times a day, twirl and play “mommy”.  She loves to sing and play the piano.  Lauren has a very compassionate heart as well, always taking care of her “big” sister.

Favorite recent quote from Lauren (comforting Lily who is now scared of going to sunday school): “Don’t worry Lily I will hold your hand and go with you. I will not cry.”

IMG_9831
I’m so thankful for these two.  They will be four in less than 3 months, and I can still remember the day the Doctor told us we would be having twins like it was yesterday.  I’m so blessed God chose me to be their mommy and watch them grow.  Ten minutes in this field = priceless memories for this mama.

lilyandlauren.jpg

Worn.

dc6735c0190061402c48a444cc8f40c0
image via pinterest

It’s been a while since I have been able to blog.   There hasn’t been much down time lately.  There has been a lot of running kids to school, cleaning, disciplining and crying.  Last week was filled with some disappointments (on my end) and I got very discouraged and down.  By Thursday I had completely let exhaustion, negative thinking and stress get the best of me.  My tipping point happened while talking to the AT&T lady (for the second time that week) about our internet.  I was sitting with Beckham on the floor as Lauren hurls a handful of marbles straight at us, the TV and the computer.  I came unglued.  I yelled, everyone was sent to their room, I cried on the phone, and when I found out Landon was going to be late coming home…I picked a fight with him.  I went to bed that night just beside myself – the only thing I felt was discouragement.  I felt like a failure.  I felt inadequate.  I thought what I needed was a break….but what I really needed was Jesus.

I won’t lie…having four kids has been a huge adjustment for me.  I have struggled with keeping up these last few months…sometimes it’s hard for me to accomplish things that were so simple before.  Mornings start at 5 a.m. and I don’t even have time to sit until I got to bed at 10 p.m. most nights.  I feel spent by the end of the day, and sometimes feel like all I do is wipe noses, slave away in the kitchen, run the laundry machine, and sweep the crumbs from the kitchen floor.  I start to compare myself with everyone around me, and I try to please everyone…these two things are my both areas I struggle with.  I started to spend too much time focusing on these things which helped contribute to my downward spiral when I eventually lost it.  When I got off the phone Thursday afternoon, Lauren walked up to me and hugged my neck.  “Mommy please don’t cry, I love you so much”.  I hate that I lost my temper, I hate that I reacted in anger, but most of all I hate that I was starting to resent my job as a mother.  I won’t lie and say it is glamorous, but at the end of the day…my job is where God has me right now, and I have four beautiful children who call me mommy and hug my neck before bed.

I’m learning.  I’m learning to let go of little things….I’m learning to let them be little…I’m learning to be patient…I’m learning to forgive as Christ has forgiven me…I’m learning how to love these little people that God entrusted me with.

A song that kept coming to my mind last week was “Worn” .  I’m thankful again, for His forgiveness…that He CAN use me to be a light to my children and to others.  I know that that exhaustion and struggles are pushing me towards Him.  I’m thankful for His mercies that are new each morning.

“Worn”
I’m Tired I’m worn

My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this worldAnd I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I’m too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I’m worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn

3 Month Update // Happy 100 days

3 months
photograph by Sara Eaton Photography

Seriously.  Where did February go?!?  I can’t believe my sweet boy is already three months old.  Once Beckham hit the three month mark, he started turning into a different baby!  He interacts with us a lot more, watches us from across the room, has “conversations” with us, holds his own bottle and giggles!  He still HATES tummy time.  He will “toot” and then laugh.  Things go flying across the room (like dirty diapers) and he will smile or laugh when it hits him.  He’s just the smiliest little guy – I’m so thankful for such a happy baby!

3 months
There is always an adventure to be had in the Miller home.  Usually weekends are very low key – we just don’t get out much with four kids.  Saturday night, we had some personal things that we needed to take care of, so we dropped the girls off at Aunt Molly’s house (about 25 minutes away).  On the way there, I was sitting in the back feeding the girls dinner and playing with Beckham when he spit up A LOT.  He rarely spits up even a tiny bit, so I just thought it was maybe something I ate that affected him. I cleaned him up with my Mcdonalds napkins, and we kept driving.  We dropped the girls off, and Beckham spit up again.  Like a fountain.  He was running a fever, and I knew something was up.  Landon ran in to target to get him some new clothes (because I never leave the house prepared), and I tried to nurse him in the car.  He spit up all over me as well.  So here we are, soaked in spit up.  Poor baby.  We headed back to get the girls, stopped at WalMart for pedialyte and then headed home.  He kept choking and vomiting the whole way home, so we gave him a bath and tried some pedialyte.  He also threw that up, so by now it had been almost six hours of vomiting.  Landon ended up taking him to the emergency room where they gave him a very small dose of Zofran. It took about two days for him to get his strength back and get back to “normal” but he is better!  

PicMonkey Collage.jpg

The ER visit was on Saturday, and Sunday was Beckham’s 100 day birthday!  We ended up getting “snowed” in, and church was cancelled for the day.  It was nice to stay at home, love on Beckham, and celebrate his 100 day birthday.  Being half-korean I wanted to celebrate this tradition!  I think out of all the kids, Beckham looks the most Korean to me.  It’s his little almond eyes – I just love it!  We grilled (yes my husband cleared off the snow for me) teriyaki chicken and had a little cake for him.  I love making these special memories with our kids!

100 days

It’s amazing how quickly time flies by with each baby.  I’m trying to savor each moment of this baby stage with Beckham and watching his sisters love on him and get excited with each milestone he reaches!  I am one blessed mama.