It’s been a while since I have written in this little space. I have tried to write a few posts lately, and honestly it’s been a pretty tough month. For the last few years I have really struggled here in Oklahoma. I’m pretty sure I told my parents last week that I absolutely hate it. I’ve asked my poor husband if we could pack up our stuff and move somewhere….anywhere. I have been angry…roots of bitterness growing inside me have been growing deeper. I’ve asked God to move us, change different situations and provide me with comfort. I’ve been asking God to grant me what I think that I need. I have asked God “why”? I’ve compared my life circumstances to everyone else’s around me, leading to being discontent with what God has given me. I know…it’s sounds so crazy. I have the most amazing husband and beautiful children. Why on earth would I be so sad and angry?
God, as always, has been faithful and has shown Himself to me in the last couple weeks. Our pastor preached a sermon on comparison a couple sundays ago. For me – I compare myself to others and see what I don’t have. I become upset, because someone around me has something that I think our family needs and it has robbed me of my joy.
“The comparison trap blocks the supernatural peace that we could experience. It’s a trap that keeps us from remembering who’s we are, and the identity in christ that we have. It makes us forget about how faithful God has been in the here and now.” -Casey Cariker, Rejoice Church
Conviction. I’ve been blinded by lies, have been missing the blessings, and I haven’t been content in who God has made me and where He has placed us. My focus should be on CHRIST. That I am pleasing Him, that I am striving to be more like Him, and that I am trusting His plans for my life.
God has brought some amazing friends into my life. Friends that will call me out when they see something wrong in my life. Friends that will point out my struggle, quote scripture to encourage me to fight Satan against those struggles, and pray for me. I have been so thankful for those iron sharpening iron friends.
Our small group met for the first time last night and we are studying Prayer. We are doing the study “When God’s People Pray” by Jim Cymbala. I have struggled so much in this specific area. It’s so hard for me to just sit down and come to the Lord fervently in prayer. Instead I have been coming to him in small increments of time…here and there throughout the day as I pray for other people. Last night, I realized where my focus in prayer has been so wrong. I have been praying for God to change my circumstances for the last few years. It has been a dark few months for me through this trial. I thought back to about 8 years ago when I went through what I thought to be a major trial in my life. I also remember so clearly my response to God removing something I thought was so important in my life. I never got angry. My first reaction was to pray. I prayed for forgiveness, sought comfort from God, and received Godly counsel. He healed my heart. He showed me his faithfulness, and then a couple years later gave me a gift that was so much better than I could have imagined. I want to be at that place. I want to pray that God would give me his best….to be content with what He has given me…to be joyful in any situation. Last night in our small group, I felt God’s presence. I felt his arms wrap around me and show me His love as I asked forgiveness. I know that He has an amazing plan for me and for my family. I just need to simply trust Him and call on his name. I was reminded of how powerful prayer is, and how much we need to implement that in our lives.
As I sat down to devote some time in prayer this afternoon I felt his presence immediately. The anxiety slipped away as I asked him to take care of our family and to heal our hearts. I am so thankful for that peace and for His love and forgiveness. I can’t help but smile this afternoon. God has blessed me tremendously. He has given us an amazing church family and some very amazing friends who have been such a wonderful support system. So much to be thankful for!
“Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.” Jeremiah 33:3
***this really may only make sense to me – I know it’s a little jumbled, but it helps me so much to write about what God is teaching me!